I am a planner - calendars, lists, post its, memo boards - the whole works.
If you are like me, you tend to have backup plans to the plans you make or are making. Mine don't stop with plan B. I tend to line up plan C, D, E, F,... you get the picture! My mind and thoughts are constantly whirring with activity - planning, planning for the plan, planning backup plans if the plan doesn't go as planned!!! Ever been there?
Obviously, I have been planning for our trip: What we need for our trip, flights we will need, what to take, lining up shots, passports, luggage, gapfillers while I am gone, and FINANCES!
You have a plan and you're stickin' to it... then life happens? Well, life happened for me this past week. Plans I had been counting on, crucial to this trip, went out the window - way beyond my control - and no matter how many backup plans I had made it wasn't going to matter! Ever been there?
For a planner, having no plans is most unsettling. No, it is maddening!!
In my madness, I went to the Lord loud, whiny, complaining and even accusatory. "Why did this happen?" "How could You let this happen?" "Don't you want me to go to Kenya?" Ever been there?
After my tantrum but still trying to scrape together plan Z, the Lord quietly led me to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Then He whispered to my heart "Amie, I have a plan, my plan is still happening, and my plan is for your good. Nothing thwarts my plan - no need for plan B. Will you trust me?" I had an invitation from God to stay with His plan. Ever been there?
Well, I am here- so very thankful God does have a plan even when I don't understand it. Again, I lean not on my own understanding but am trying in all I do to follow Him - and let go of backup plans!!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Serving...
I'm still finding it hard to believe that we will be leaving for AFRICA in less than 5 weeks.
There are days when I wonder if I am up for this; if this is really God's will for me. After all, Brea is called to this. Amie has dreamed about this her whole life. And me. Well, I'd never even considered the idea before a month ago.
Then there are times when I am absolutely certain I'm heading in the right direction. For instance, a friend and I went to a women's retreat this past weekend. We get in line to register and the theme for the weekend is: "Serving...because Christ served". I immediately thought, "How appropriate! I get to learn about serving right before leaving for Africa." Not 2 seconds later, my friend looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, "How cool that you get to hear this right before you go to Africa!". Such sweet confirmation.
Throughout the weekend, I felt such a deep desire to go to Kenya to SERVE. Serve with my heart, with my words and with my touch. To give more of me than I'd ever given before. Expecting nothing in return. Simply pouring out all I have.
One of the speakers spoke of her recent mission trip and I could not stop crying, I felt such a connection with her heart. It's times like this weekend when I know that somehow God also has a purpose for me in Africa, not just for my friends. I am deeply humbled by the opportunity and am so grateful that God can use this willing heart even with all the doubts and insecurities that rage through my mind at times.
Unfortunately, I can't go to a weekend retreat in Williams every time I begin to have doubts or insecurities about the trip. Instead, I simply need to go to throne and continue to lay my life down, trusting that He will lead me to exactly where He wants me to be. He will equip me with exactly what I will need. And in the end, He will receive all the glory.
Which is perfect. Because that's all this heart really wants, anyway.
There are days when I wonder if I am up for this; if this is really God's will for me. After all, Brea is called to this. Amie has dreamed about this her whole life. And me. Well, I'd never even considered the idea before a month ago.
Then there are times when I am absolutely certain I'm heading in the right direction. For instance, a friend and I went to a women's retreat this past weekend. We get in line to register and the theme for the weekend is: "Serving...because Christ served". I immediately thought, "How appropriate! I get to learn about serving right before leaving for Africa." Not 2 seconds later, my friend looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, "How cool that you get to hear this right before you go to Africa!". Such sweet confirmation.
Throughout the weekend, I felt such a deep desire to go to Kenya to SERVE. Serve with my heart, with my words and with my touch. To give more of me than I'd ever given before. Expecting nothing in return. Simply pouring out all I have.
One of the speakers spoke of her recent mission trip and I could not stop crying, I felt such a connection with her heart. It's times like this weekend when I know that somehow God also has a purpose for me in Africa, not just for my friends. I am deeply humbled by the opportunity and am so grateful that God can use this willing heart even with all the doubts and insecurities that rage through my mind at times.
Unfortunately, I can't go to a weekend retreat in Williams every time I begin to have doubts or insecurities about the trip. Instead, I simply need to go to throne and continue to lay my life down, trusting that He will lead me to exactly where He wants me to be. He will equip me with exactly what I will need. And in the end, He will receive all the glory.
Which is perfect. Because that's all this heart really wants, anyway.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Chaos
Just wanted to say sorry that I haven't been able to post anything yet. My life is crazy right now; from sports, school, church and then the thought that every day is one day closer to me being in Kenya is SO much to handle, but I am extremely grateful. As I write it's almost midnight and I'm barely able to keep my eyes open. So I'll be sure to write more soon, very soon hopefully. :D Until then, Brea.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Water Snob
There is much preparation that needs to occur in this heart before I even consider stepping foot on Kenyan soil. My mind understands that I will see need in its most desperate state, and my heart is far from ready for that. When I begin to consider my current life, I realize that I live a very privileged life. I have all I need to comfortably live each day. I have all the food I want. I have a safe and comfortable place to rest my head every night. I have two bathrooms in my home with indoor plumbing. I have family whom I love and friends I adore. Really the list of blessings is endless.
And I wake each morning with an expectation that these things will continue unchanged. Forever.
As I sit here typing, I have two bottles of water sitting on my desk. This is not unusual for me. I carry water with me wherever I go. Water is plentiful. Water is cheap. And we have all the flavors of water we could want. In America, we use water for our lawns, to wash our cars and to hose down our patios. There seems to be an unlimited supply that comes from our hose bibs and our faucets. When was the last time you wondered if any water would come out when you turned on your faucet? I know. Me too.
Again, I wake each morning with an expectation that this will continue. Forever.
And here is where I need to confess that I have always (proudly) considered myself a "water snob". You see, I only drink bottled water. Because tap water is not good enough for me. I need more than just clean water, I also need it to be placed in a convenient bottle for me to just grab 'n go. Even more than that, I need it to be refrigerated and cold.
What I really need is a smack upside the head. With a 2x4. And a huge dose of perspective.
In just 6 short weeks, I will be in the slums of Kibera where children have never even SEEN clean water, let alone tasted it. There will be no bottles of water for me to buy at the corner store. But what I will see, will be beautiful faces with smiles that will melt my heart. Beautiful faces that have never been washed with clean water before. Smiles that have never been brushed with clean water. Dear God, please forgive me for so ungratefully expecting what I do not deserve, while others go without. Forgive me for never giving them a thought before now. Prepare my eyes to see things differently and my heart to absorb it honestly.
The preparation has begun. And it will continue. I only hope my heart will survive the journey that leads me to Kenya. It will be a whole other journey once I arrive.
But first things first, I am going to fill my glass with some tap water and be thankful for it.
And I wake each morning with an expectation that these things will continue unchanged. Forever.
As I sit here typing, I have two bottles of water sitting on my desk. This is not unusual for me. I carry water with me wherever I go. Water is plentiful. Water is cheap. And we have all the flavors of water we could want. In America, we use water for our lawns, to wash our cars and to hose down our patios. There seems to be an unlimited supply that comes from our hose bibs and our faucets. When was the last time you wondered if any water would come out when you turned on your faucet? I know. Me too.
Again, I wake each morning with an expectation that this will continue. Forever.
And here is where I need to confess that I have always (proudly) considered myself a "water snob". You see, I only drink bottled water. Because tap water is not good enough for me. I need more than just clean water, I also need it to be placed in a convenient bottle for me to just grab 'n go. Even more than that, I need it to be refrigerated and cold.
What I really need is a smack upside the head. With a 2x4. And a huge dose of perspective.
In just 6 short weeks, I will be in the slums of Kibera where children have never even SEEN clean water, let alone tasted it. There will be no bottles of water for me to buy at the corner store. But what I will see, will be beautiful faces with smiles that will melt my heart. Beautiful faces that have never been washed with clean water before. Smiles that have never been brushed with clean water. Dear God, please forgive me for so ungratefully expecting what I do not deserve, while others go without. Forgive me for never giving them a thought before now. Prepare my eyes to see things differently and my heart to absorb it honestly.
The preparation has begun. And it will continue. I only hope my heart will survive the journey that leads me to Kenya. It will be a whole other journey once I arrive.
But first things first, I am going to fill my glass with some tap water and be thankful for it.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Reasons why...
Upon learning of our upcoming trip to Kenya, people have begun asking why we are going. A reasonable question. You would think I would be able to respond quickly and thoroughly. Not so. I have not found words sufficient enough. Forgive me, in advance, as I stumble through my try here.
I have loved Africa since as long as I can remember. Unlike some people, I always prayed God would ask me to go to Africa for Him. So far, He has seen fit to keep me here; but my heart beats for Africa. Over the past year, God has led me on a journey of laying that desire (demand!) down, taking my hands off, coming to the understanding that in this lifetime I may never see that dream fulfilled, that God is still good and He does have a plan. Through many tears and questions on my part and such tender grace-filled assurances on His, this past April I was finally able to release my hold on Africa. My love and passion for her beautiful people, her wild and risky land, has not waned but I am daily learning to be content in His plan for my life.
The year my daughter, Brea, turned 10, God placed a calling upon her heart for Kenya. She has always been tender towards others; especially children suffering with or orphaned by Aids. Kenya was a seamless fit. Occasionally, she and I would lie on her bed at night and she would share her dreams (many very literal) about Kenya. Some of the dreams God has given her are specific and practical. Some are huge!
So when my husband called to tell me about an opportunity for Brea and I to go to Kenya this October, an unexpected collision occurred in my heart. In that moment, I knew something holy, lovely and wildly profound was taking place - a fulfilling in me and a beginning for my daughter.
This trip will involve the obvious: Opportunities to help another; to bring illumination to an unknown need; to be challenged and changed in one's own priorities; to worship our Lord with another tribe & tongue - of which I am soooo excited to be a part!
However, this trip will also be highly personal.
I will be given the privilege of watching my daughter literally & figuratively take her first steps in walking out God's call. In the future, when she shares with us her life's ministry, I will be able to recall the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and precious touches of her fellow Kenyans ~ and I will know a little of what she speaks. (How like my God to ask something of me that I was holding too tightly only to lovingly give it back! He is Amazing!)
My heart can't help but hope this will be the first of many trips I will make to Kenya. But should this turn out to be my one and only, I am beyond grateful that my heavenly Papa made it possible! I will be more than content to know He is investing a part of me there through the life and passion of my precious daughter.
It is more than I could ever have asked!
This is my reason why.
I have loved Africa since as long as I can remember. Unlike some people, I always prayed God would ask me to go to Africa for Him. So far, He has seen fit to keep me here; but my heart beats for Africa. Over the past year, God has led me on a journey of laying that desire (demand!) down, taking my hands off, coming to the understanding that in this lifetime I may never see that dream fulfilled, that God is still good and He does have a plan. Through many tears and questions on my part and such tender grace-filled assurances on His, this past April I was finally able to release my hold on Africa. My love and passion for her beautiful people, her wild and risky land, has not waned but I am daily learning to be content in His plan for my life.
The year my daughter, Brea, turned 10, God placed a calling upon her heart for Kenya. She has always been tender towards others; especially children suffering with or orphaned by Aids. Kenya was a seamless fit. Occasionally, she and I would lie on her bed at night and she would share her dreams (many very literal) about Kenya. Some of the dreams God has given her are specific and practical. Some are huge!
So when my husband called to tell me about an opportunity for Brea and I to go to Kenya this October, an unexpected collision occurred in my heart. In that moment, I knew something holy, lovely and wildly profound was taking place - a fulfilling in me and a beginning for my daughter.
This trip will involve the obvious: Opportunities to help another; to bring illumination to an unknown need; to be challenged and changed in one's own priorities; to worship our Lord with another tribe & tongue - of which I am soooo excited to be a part!
However, this trip will also be highly personal.
I will be given the privilege of watching my daughter literally & figuratively take her first steps in walking out God's call. In the future, when she shares with us her life's ministry, I will be able to recall the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and precious touches of her fellow Kenyans ~ and I will know a little of what she speaks. (How like my God to ask something of me that I was holding too tightly only to lovingly give it back! He is Amazing!)
My heart can't help but hope this will be the first of many trips I will make to Kenya. But should this turn out to be my one and only, I am beyond grateful that my heavenly Papa made it possible! I will be more than content to know He is investing a part of me there through the life and passion of my precious daughter.
It is more than I could ever have asked!
This is my reason why.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
