Rejoice Now

I think I speak for all three of us when I say that this week was a tough one. A real faith test. A faith test that is only beginning.

A month ago when we learned we were going to Kenya, our hearts and our faith were soaring high. We didn't go into this blindly. We've known from the start that we didn't have the financial means to support this trip. After all, in these economic times, who has $12,000 lying around in their back pockets? But somehow we just knew that God had something up His sleeve. Some plan to channel the resources we needed right to our front door. No doubt, just expectancy. And boy, were we expecting!

That was a month ago. And not much has come through the channel yet.

Time has a way of clouding our vision and making the goal seem invisible or even impossible. I remember once hearing that in the space between our need and the provision of the need, there is always time. We have the ability to decide what to do with the time. We can worry, complain and give up hope. Or, we can trust, believe and rejoice in the waiting. How we deal with our "time" reveals the level of our trust in the Lord.

I still believe that God has something up His sleeve. That this trip is part of His plan and He will provide the financial means. Unfortunately, some doubt and fear has crept into my time of waiting. So I personally had to make a decision this week. I can doubt and worry. Or I can trust and believe. It's one or the other. I cannot do both.

I have decided to trust and believe!
"Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed." John 20:29

If I truly believe that God will provide for us to go to Kenya, then I need to start rejoicing about it NOW. I don't need to wait until we have the funds in our hands. I can start NOW. And I choose to do so. I choose to lay it all out there, expecting God to come through in a big way. In a way that leaves no doubt that it was truly Him who met the need.

I choose to trust and believe. What about you? What are you going through right now that requires you to decide how you will walk out your time? He will be faithful no matter how we walk this out. But I want to be found rejoicing BEFORE I see His faithful provision. Before I SEE His faithful provision. What about you?

I love how Beth Moore says (paraphrased), "I'd rather believe God for too much and only receive some of it, than to believe God for nothing and receive all of it."

Join with me in believing God beyond our understanding. He wants to give us more than we can ask, think or imagine anyway. And I say we rejoice NOW, before we even catch a glimpse of Him working on our behalf. Nothing lets Him know we trust Him more than that.

**Editted to note: Not thirty minutes after posting this blog, God channeled resources to us in a way that leaves no room to give anyone else credit but Him. I am so glad that He helped me have a heart that was ready to receive from Him. It made the blessing that much more sweet. There's still a ways to go, but He graciously reminded us once again that He's got it all under control. Hallelujah!

Serving...

I'm still finding it hard to believe that we will be leaving for AFRICA in less than 5 weeks.

There are days when I wonder if I am up for this; if this is really God's will for me. After all, Brea is called to this. Amie has dreamed about this her whole life. And me. Well, I'd never even considered the idea before a month ago.

Then there are times when I am absolutely certain I'm heading in the right direction. For instance, a friend and I went to a women's retreat this past weekend. We get in line to register and the theme for the weekend is: "Serving...because Christ served". I immediately thought, "How appropriate! I get to learn about serving right before leaving for Africa." Not 2 seconds later, my friend looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, "How cool that you get to hear this right before you go to Africa!". Such sweet confirmation.

Throughout the weekend, I felt such a deep desire to go to Kenya to SERVE. Serve with my heart, with my words and with my touch. To give more of me than I'd ever given before. Expecting nothing in return. Simply pouring out all I have.

One of the speakers spoke of her recent mission trip and I could not stop crying, I felt such a connection with her heart. It's times like this weekend when I know that somehow God also has a purpose for me in Africa, not just for my friends. I am deeply humbled by the opportunity and am so grateful that God can use this willing heart even with all the doubts and insecurities that rage through my mind at times.

Unfortunately, I can't go to a weekend retreat in Williams every time I begin to have doubts or insecurities about the trip. Instead, I simply need to go to throne and continue to lay my life down, trusting that He will lead me to exactly where He wants me to be. He will equip me with exactly what I will need. And in the end, He will receive all the glory.

Which is perfect. Because that's all this heart really wants, anyway.

Water Snob

There is much preparation that needs to occur in this heart before I even consider stepping foot on Kenyan soil. My mind understands that I will see need in its most desperate state, and my heart is far from ready for that. When I begin to consider my current life, I realize that I live a very privileged life. I have all I need to comfortably live each day. I have all the food I want. I have a safe and comfortable place to rest my head every night. I have two bathrooms in my home with indoor plumbing. I have family whom I love and friends I adore. Really the list of blessings is endless.

And I wake each morning with an expectation that these things will continue unchanged. Forever.

As I sit here typing, I have two bottles of water sitting on my desk. This is not unusual for me. I carry water with me wherever I go. Water is plentiful. Water is cheap. And we have all the flavors of water we could want. In America, we use water for our lawns, to wash our cars and to hose down our patios. There seems to be an unlimited supply that comes from our hose bibs and our faucets. When was the last time you wondered if any water would come out when you turned on your faucet? I know. Me too.

Again, I wake each morning with an expectation that this will continue. Forever.

And here is where I need to confess that I have always (proudly) considered myself a "water snob". You see, I only drink bottled water. Because tap water is not good enough for me. I need more than just clean water, I also need it to be placed in a convenient bottle for me to just grab 'n go. Even more than that, I need it to be refrigerated and cold.

What I really need is a smack upside the head. With a 2x4. And a huge dose of perspective.

In just 6 short weeks, I will be in the slums of Kibera where children have never even SEEN clean water, let alone tasted it. There will be no bottles of water for me to buy at the corner store. But what I will see, will be beautiful faces with smiles that will melt my heart. Beautiful faces that have never been washed with clean water before. Smiles that have never been brushed with clean water. Dear God, please forgive me for so ungratefully expecting what I do not deserve, while others go without. Forgive me for never giving them a thought before now. Prepare my eyes to see things differently and my heart to absorb it honestly.

The preparation has begun. And it will continue. I only hope my heart will survive the journey that leads me to Kenya. It will be a whole other journey once I arrive.

But first things first, I am going to fill my glass with some tap water and be thankful for it.

Reasons why...

Upon learning of our upcoming trip to Kenya, people have begun asking why we are going. A reasonable question. You would think I would be able to respond quickly and thoroughly. Not so. I have not found words sufficient enough. Forgive me, in advance, as I stumble through my try here.

I have loved Africa since as long as I can remember. Unlike some people, I always prayed God would ask me to go to Africa for Him. So far, He has seen fit to keep me here; but my heart beats for Africa. Over the past year, God has led me on a journey of laying that desire (demand!) down, taking my hands off, coming to the understanding that in this lifetime I may never see that dream fulfilled, that God is still good and He does have a plan. Through many tears and questions on my part and such tender grace-filled assurances on His, this past April I was finally able to release my hold on Africa. My love and passion for her beautiful people, her wild and risky land, has not waned but I am daily learning to be content in His plan for my life.

The year my daughter, Brea, turned 10, God placed a calling upon her heart for Kenya. She has always been tender towards others; especially children suffering with or orphaned by Aids. Kenya was a seamless fit. Occasionally, she and I would lie on her bed at night and she would share her dreams (many very literal) about Kenya. Some of the dreams God has given her are specific and practical. Some are huge!


So when my husband called to tell me about an opportunity for Brea and I to go to Kenya this October, an unexpected collision occurred in my heart. In that moment, I knew something holy, lovely and wildly profound was taking place - a fulfilling in me and a beginning for my daughter.


This trip will involve the obvious: Opportunities to help another; to bring illumination to an unknown need; to be challenged and changed in one's own priorities; to worship our Lord with another tribe & tongue - of which I am soooo excited to be a part!

However, this trip will also be highly personal.

I will be given the privilege of watching my daughter literally & figuratively take her first steps in walking out God's call. In the future, when she shares with us her life's ministry, I will be able to recall the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and precious touches of her fellow Kenyans ~ and I will know a little of what she speaks. (How like my God to ask something of me that I was holding too tightly only to lovingly give it back! He is Amazing!)


My heart can't help but hope this will be the first of many trips I will make to Kenya. But should this turn out to be my one and only, I am beyond grateful that my heavenly Papa made it possible! I will be more than content to know He is investing a part of me there through the life and passion of my precious daughter.

It is more than I could ever have asked!

This is my reason why.