I'll Try Again...

First of all, I need to apologize for our lack of blogging. Re-entry into "real" life has taken some adjustment. More adjustment than I ever would have imagined. I expected to come home changed, but I never expected to feel like THIS. I'm still trying to figure out what THIS is and assumed I needed to have that accomplished before I could continue journaling our trip. I think I've finally come to the conclusion that it may be awhile before I understand all that I'm feeling and thinking. And I'm afraid that if I wait until then, the memories of the trip will have faded and I'll be unable to share from the heart. So, I warn you in advance, I have no idea how this post will develop from here. I'm hoping that if I relive our journey again with you, then maybe all the scattered pieces of my emotions will settle down with some clarity in my heart.

So here goes...

Our last post ended with sharing about our wonderful time in Standard One. One of the biggest smiles that I've had in the past week just spontaneously erupted on this face! Standard One = Big Smile. 'Nuf said.

After Standard One, we were privileged to help in the Feeding Center. The Feeding Center provides meals to the children who attend the Free School as well as the children of the community. Everday from 12:30pm - 2:30pm, the children of Kibera can receive a free hot meal. They begin to line up each morning around 10am in anticipation of their one meal of the day. Since the feeding center is not a large building, they run in shifts. After each group is done eating, another group comes in. We began by serving food to the first group. We served ugali and boiled cabbage. I sure wish we would have taken a moment to capture a picture of the ugali for you. Ugali is a traditional Kenyan dish. It's a very heavy starch that has little nutritional value but fills the stomach. We were shown (once) how to portion the plates. Apparently, we didn't pay enough attention to our tutorial, because after serving the first group of people we were "fired" and banished to washing dishes.

Think of all the dishes that your family washes after Thanksgiving meal and then multiply that by 100. Next, subtract your dishwasher, garbage disposal and air conditioning (well, depending on where you live you may not need to subtract the air conditioning. In Arizona, A/C is still required at Thanksgiving). Then, add fashionable boots, loose goats and millions of giggles. That would come close to equaling our time washing dishes at the feeding center. It was an absolute joy!!

Here's a couple of photos of the feeding center.

And here's us banished outside to wash dishes.

I know you're jealous of the boots. It's okay. We know how cute they are.

It's been helpful to remember that serving can be a joy. And I get to walk out a bit of that joy tomorrow with my mom. No, it's not the feeding center in Kenya. It's a feeding center here in Phoenix. But because I spent some time today remembering the amazing joy I experienced in that "kitchen" in Kibera, I can hopefully share some of that same joy in the kitchen of St. Vincent de Paul tomorrow. How like my God to allow me this opportunity to work through the emotions of my heart and serve His people at the same time.

Somehow, my heart feels lighter and fuller. I feel the beginning of LIFE being restored to my heart. Can I leave you with this amazing truth? It's one that has proved true in my life over and over again. Especially today.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Still on Kenya Time Apparently

Well, it's 1:30am on Saturday morning. I've been home for about 7 hours or so. I went to bed around 8pm because it's been an exhausting 2 weeks, and I didn't think my body could go any longer. I figured going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep would get my body back on Arizona time in a flash. Then I woke up at 1am and here I am. I don't think sleep is coming anytime soon, so I figured I might as well begin the long journey of blogging our trip.

We arrived in Nairobi on Wednesday, October 29th at approx. 9pm. The airport was packed and we were so glad that we were with a group who'd been there before, because we would have been lost in no time. Getting our visa and going through customs was a fairly painless process that took about 1 1/2 hours. When we were cleared to retrieve our luggage, the gentlemen who'd been cleared before us had already grabbed some of our luggage off the conveyor belt. Since we had a total of 12 bags (including carry-ons), it truly looked ridiculous and we couldn't help but tell the guys that we weren't sure if we had the right shoes for each outfit (they actually weren't too amused, believe it or not). In reality, we each only brought one suitcase and one carry-on as personal baggage, the rest held the gifts we were able to bring to the orphanage. One of the guys traveling with us, Nick, had his luggage lost. The airport said they'd probably have it for him to pick up the next day, however it actually never showed up in Nairobi. I think he actually handled it very well considering he was at the mercy of the other guys to lend him clothes the entire trip. I'm not sure I'd have done so well.

Our entry into Kibera Kids Center was late at night and we really weren't able to get a good look. We had a brief meeting in what we called the "command center" which was a communal family room of sorts and then we were off to bed.

After a couple hours of sleep, we got our first glimpse of the orphanage and the slums right behind it. This was the view from our room (note the slums in the background).

The sight is so strange from every direction. The orphanage is absolutely beautiful with all sorts of flowers and trees and grass. But just beyond the orphanage wall is such squalor. The contrast is so sharp. The people in the slums call the orphanage the "Garden of Eden". And the name fits. It truly is a remarkable place of beauty and hope in the midst of such desolation and filth.

On our first day, we had the wonderful privilege of spending time with the children in Standard One. Standard One was the classroom that held the pre-school, kindergarten and 1st grade classes. They don't have enough teachers to allow each grade their own class or teacher, so they combine them. Amie, Brea and I spent time with the pre-schoolers while the teacher, Florence, gave her lesson to the other children. There were 3 pre-schoolers so we each got one-on-one time with a child. I got to spend time with Amos. A precious 4 year old little boy who was so shy at first. I kept talking with him and he'd just look at me with his big brown eyes and keep coloring. We worked on his numbers and his letters in his journal, but it took a long while before he actually spoke to me. And his first words were asking to see my camera. The children were simply fascinated with the digital cameras. They knew what they were and had seen them before, but they LOVED to have their pictures taken. So I let Amos look at the camera and he took a couple of pictures and then we passed it around to Amie and Brea's kids as well. In the meantime, Amos took my hand and traced it in his notebook. I loved the fact that he felt that comfortable with me in such a short time. I took a picture of it and I think it is one of my favorite photos of the whole trip. The contrast of our skin is so beautiful.

And here is my Amos.

Isn't he adorable??

After a little while of playing with our pre-schoolers, Florence mentioned that the other kids in the class had chosen to use their field/play time to spend time in the classroom with the visitors (us). We were amazed and completely humbled that they'd choose us over playing outside. We read books to them, took pictures of them and let them take pictures of us. One of the young girls, Yvonne, started playing patty cake with one of their jingles. She tried to teach me, but I'm a slow learner. That eventually led into the entire class singing songs with Yvonne leading us in worship. I was amazed at the number of worships songs they sang that we already knew. And how precious that it was a first grader leading us. ABSOLUTELY BLEW MY MIND.

Here is a group photo we took with the timer (the kids really thought that was cool). Yvonne is the one in front holding her face in her hands.

That was such a great way to start our time at the orphanage and I still mark that as a highlight of the trip. My heart already misses them terribly. Somehow these children had a way of working themselves into the fabric of my heart and I feel terribly incomplete without them. I am just praying that I will get to see them again some day on this side of heaven.

I'm still emotionally working through everything and feel very disconnected with the world around me right now. I had actually felt so at home there, so completely full. I'm trying to process the fact that I have to go back to normal life and I'm trying not to be resentful about that.

My body is here. My heart is there. Somehow I'll have to learn to live with that division, because I always want my heart to remain there. I'm just hoping that my body will get to join it there again someday.

We're Back

We have arrived on U.S. soil and will be headed to the airport for the last leg of our journey home. Although we did not have internet access while in Nairobi, we did journal our trip. Below is a short entry we typed on the flight from Amsterdam to Nairobi on Wednesday, October 29th.


Apparently best laid plans are just that. Best laid. Internet access is neither easy nor cheap, it seems. We were told in Atlanta that the plan we purchased would work in Amsterdam, not so. We are still unsure of how often, if at all, we will have access in Nairobi.

Our flights have been relatively uneventful. We were able to have our seats reassigned on both legs of the journey so that we were all able to sit together. On our way to Amsterdam we were packed in like sardines and tried very hard to get some sleep. We rested our eyes for a few hours, but real sleep eluded us. We finally arrived in the Netherlands. Caffeine was the first order of business. Amie and I had a croissant with java and boy was it GOOD. It was still warm and flaky. I am looking forward to ordering another on our return trip.
Half of our group left from Atlanta (which we did) and the other half left from Washington, D.C. The plan was to meet up in Amsterdam and continue on to Nairobi together. Unfortunately, the Washington group’s departure flight was delayed by 2 ½ hours and they missed their connection in Amsterdam. Our group coordinator, David, is working through alternate travel plans for them. But so far it seems that all the options will have them arrive the following afternoon at the earliest. They will have had to endure an additional travel day, mostly sitting in an airport, and will begin their work at the orphanage very tired. Please pray for them.

Our flight to Nairobi was very comfortable. There were many empty seats and we were able to spread out and we each got some good sleep. We are so very thankful for that.
We have approximately one hour before we land in Kenya. Excited doesn’t even begin to cover it.

We are still planning to blog each day, but there is a strong possibility we won’t be able to upload our posts until we get back to Atlanta.

Hope all is well with you.
That’s all for now.

Update: The Washington, D.C. group took a flight from Amsterdam to Paris and then on to Nairobi and eventually joined us the next morning.

We will continue to post our thoughts and journey in the hours and days to come.

hello from Atlanta

We haven't been blogging because there was no internet in Africa, anywhere.
so yeah, and I'm not gonna start right now cause there's too much to do.
So you'll be hearing from me soon hopefully.

A Blogging Tutorial (from the most inexperienced blogger in history)

Many people have mentioned that they are following our world famous blog with baited breath. Which has actually surprised us because y'all haven't been leaving us much praise or shout outs in the comments. So by popular demand we are offering you a free how to.

At the end of each post is a "signature" of sorts that says who it was posted by and at what time. Next to it will show how many comments have been posted to that particular post. To view the comments (or to eventually leave a comment), click on "comment". Read through the comments others have left, then type your own comment in the comment box to the right. (say comment much?) After you've left us some love, scroll down and select Name/Url. An additional box should appear for you to place your name. Type in your name (I thought this was probably pretty obvious, but you never know who's on the other side of the screen - Mom). Then click on Publish Comment. Voila!

So, everybody now, show us that we really can teach old dogs new tricks and post us a comment. We'd love to hear from you, too!!



P.S. Brea says "discuted" is the new "disgusted" (see her post below for explanation).

P.P.S Please consider this your advanced warning that we won't be proof reading much - as already evidenced. Please don't judge us - we are desperately sleep deprived.

P.P.P.S. Please comment! Thanks.

Sitting on the floor in Atlanta

Well I'm sitting here in the airport blogging, and I'm at a lost of words.

I'm extremely excited but if you saw me you wouldn't be able to tell. My face is very blank, and I'm not talking much. Yeah me, Brea Rowland, NOT talking:D. I'm just so overwhelmed with so many emotions my face doesn't know what one to express, so it stays blank. Until it makes up it's mind every once in a while and a smile will pop out or a tear. My travel buddies have noticed and will point out when I'm smiling. Which makes me very awkward to know it's that noticable, but I'll deal.

Well on the plane we were the loudest, messiest group(as is me and my mom) on there. Holly was not expecting what she got out of us which was spill after spill of drinks. What I did not expect was how much they talked! They blabbered like teenage girls(which if they're reading this they're thinking we are at heart and I AGREE), not only did they talk nonstop there ears apparently were clogged so there voices were 10 notches above all the noise in the plane. (And I'd know about noise I come from a house that has 10 people 1 being a toddler and the others teenagers, girl teenagers (minus my parents and my brother)) It was cracking me up because I could tell on some people's faces how they felt about it and I just laughed.

Side note as I got off the plane about 10 steps after we got out of the tunnel I see this mean machine looking thing and finaly figure out it's a trash can, but it was plugged into the outlet.(strange lookin thing) So I think nothing of it after a while, and when we all got situated we started to try and figure out where to go next, I took the lead and all of a sudden I hear this growlish sound and almost jump. I look over and it's the trashcan, and at this time my face has a confused discuted look on it. This guy sees me and kinda looks the same way at me, and I explain to him that the trashcan just growled at me. His face changed so quickly I couldn't help but laugh, his facial express was as if he was saying ok freak, I'll be leaving you and you're growling trashcan alone, and quickly walked away. Once my mom and Holly catch up to me I explain why I'm laughing and we carry on to our gate. Well just a second ago Holly said Brea watch and thinking it was an automatic garbage can does this circleish fancy move, thinking it would open and she'd look like a magician. To our suprise it wasn't automatic, so she tried to cover it up by circling in her hand and reaching to throw her trash away. Right as she gets back my mom, her, and me are cracking up laughing. I'm almost to tears, and Holly's face is red from embarassment and loss of air. :DD Just one of many embarassing thing's that have happened today.

At her defense there is a senserish lookin thing, look for yourself:]]

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Just a real quick note before Amie picks me up (I wonder if she got any more sleep than I did?). I know this has absolutely nothing to do with Kenya or our trip, BUT it is very near and dear to all three of us....

A week from now is election day. Please, oh, please GO VOTE!!

God bless you all and God bless America.

Final thoughts while stateside...

It is 10:40 pm. We need to be at airport at 4:30 am. I am still packing.
Not because I am taking so much stuff - but mostly because I am a scattered wreck!

I will never be able to express my awe while watching our God meet every need in abundance during these past 7 weeks! I will also never be able to express my gratitude for the precious people in our lives that have prayed, encouraged, shopped, supported, given, and cried with and for us while prepping for our journey! I am truly humbled and amazed!!!

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF THIS TRULY OVERWHELMED HEART!!!!

6 hours...my mind can't comprehend what is finally taking place!
6 hours...my heart can't wait to get my hands on those kids!
6 hours...my body wants to fall into bed!

Good night from America! SEE YOU IN KENYA!!!! (goosebumps just flaired!!:)

Not Wasting an Ounce

Today is our last full day in the States before we head out to A-F-R-I-C-A!!! I wanted to post these pictures for you all to see the BOUNTY we are privileged to bring to the orphans and missionaries in Kibera. We packed and unpacked and repacked these bags probably a dozen times this weekend to fully maximize the weight allowance. We are allowed 50 lbs in each checked bag.

And the results are.....

50.0 lbs. of baby clothes

(not even an ounce was wasted!!)

49.0 lbs. of school supplies

49.0 lbs. of medical supplies, candy & more school supplies

(this actually has way more medical supplies we just packed the candy on top of it).

And here we are in the midst of all the fun...

It was an absolute blast knowing that EVERY SINGLE ITEM will be a blessing.

Here's a big THANK YOU to everyone who gave.

Control

Well our trip is soon, and I'm surprisingly calm right now.

I don't know what's happening but I think God's preparing me for what I'm going to see very soon. This past Wednesday one of my youth leaders prepared a lesson on my trip and the organizational I'm going with. After her lesson she asked for me to come to the front to be recognized and prayed for. Well lets just say I broke down completely. I sobbed like a baby. Not only did I sob, I sobbed in front of my WHOLE youth group. If you know me you'll know I don't like looking weak in front of people, so crying in front of my whole youth group was NOT what I wanted to do, but exactly what i needed. It's strange how God works that way; he makes us do what we don't want too, to show he knows what's best for us, and that he has control. Which brings up my next topic, control. I like being in control of my life, mainly because I'm extremely independent, and have been for most part. I like making decisions for myself and thinking for myself not others thinking for me. Well God knows that and has put me through some trials in my life that I had no control over whatsoever. Which caused me to not trust him at all. Throughout the years me and him have worked on it and I started to trust him again, then the wave of death hit and I wanted to trust him so much but I just couldn't, it hurt to badly. Again I talked, sometimes yelled, with God to work out the trust factor. He made it clear through scripture and lessons at church that he was looking out for me, and would never put me through something I couldn't overcome. Well this Wednesday all of a sudden I realized what I really would be seeing during this trip, and I didn't think I could do it. The devil knew my weakness and made it very clear to me that I would fail. I was overcome with defeat. I didn't think I could do what God has called me to do for over 5 years. I didn't think I could look at children's faces in the slums, and leave them there. That I couldn't see them starving, and abandon them. I know how it feels to starve and can't imagine how it feels to have no hope on top of that. I started praying to God and kept thinking I can't, I can't do that. God you've made a mistake, I've made a mistake. I can't do that, I can't live with myself, I'm not ready. After I calmed down he started to show me why he picked me. He revealed to me that this trip wasn't only about me ministering to them, it's also them ministering to me, and it started to become very clear what my trip was going to be about; for me to help bring hope to Kibera, and Kibera bringing me and God closer, in more then one way. I started to understand that it would help me to be able to trust him because others more unfortunate then me could. Which has helped me so much. It's crazy how God works sometimes, that he can defeat the devil, even if he's picked the weakest part of you, and make it completely positive. Also God made me realized I'm there to help, not to harm or abandon them. That I'll be seen as hope, but I can't stop after my trip, I have to keep helping and praying or nothing will change. And that's the last thing I want.

6 DAYS AND COUNTING!...

My eyes are getting teary even as I sit here typing the title to this blog! Can't believe we are under the one week mark!!! God is faithful and amazing is all this woman's heart needs and wants to say!

This trio of journeywomen have watched our Heavenly Father:
*Meet specified financial need after specified & deadlined financial need (thanks Brea for your audacious prayers! You blow your mama away!);

*Stretch what we thought was already taunt to limits beyond what we alone are capable of enduring;

*Heal our bodies (hallelujah Holly!), minds, and hearts;

*Confirm His calling and Hand on our lives, individually and collectively;

*Siphon off sludge brought to the surface of our attitudes (am speaking especially for me!) through His continual refining process;

*Plunge us deeper into prayer, His Word, and dependency upon Him;

.........and we are still stateside!!!
Haven't even taken off of residential soil yet!
Can't imagine what He will be doing in us while we are in Africa!!!
OH THE JOY OF LOVING HIM!!!

6 DAYS AND COUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Surely We Can Change" by David Crowder

I was listening to a David Crowder Band CD today and this song touched me deeply in light of our upcoming trip to Kenya. Just felt like sharing it with you.

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit
And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that
When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do
Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them to be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something
And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything
Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something
Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to
Change

I know I speak for all three of us when I say we want Jesus to be the change for the people of Kibera, Kenya!!! What a privilege to be a part! Just 13 more days!!!

More opportunities to bless...

Okay, so I posted the news about tangible ways to bless those we will be ministering to in Kenya. Several have already responded letting us know they are on their way to the store! We have such generous friends and family!!!
I had emailed our trip coordinator asking if the missionary couple living in Kibera had any specific needs we could possibly meet as well? I just received his email back (he is currently in Mexico - is it a sin to covet this man's job?!!!). He let me know needs they have shared with him:
4 HP Print Cartridges #14 black,
4 HP Print Cartridges #15 color,
10 Mini DV tapes,
100 pack DVD+R's,
Quaker Quick Grits (NOT INSTANT),
Plastic jars of Helmann's mayonaise.
What a reminder of the things we take so easily for granted. How often I jump in my car, drive to the fully stocked store just around the corner from my house and buy whatever I needed, taking a total of 15 minutes!!
Again, if you would like to be a part in meeting these needs, we will be collecting until October 27 - since we have to PACK!!!
With all our hearts, we thank you for your support and generosity. Again, words are insufficient. We pray God's blessings on you all!

Restless

Well we have less then 3 weeks left, and I only have 9 days left of school.
As it's getting closer I can feel myself getting more excited, as much as I try to hide it, inside I'm going crazy with excitement. I don't want people to see me excited because, if it doesn't work(GOD forbid) I don't want them to know how disappointed I'll feel, my pride gets in the way I guess, an area God and I are still working on.

It is mind blowing that in 3 short weeks I'll be in Kenya, MY Kenya. I'll be able to breathe Kenyan air, see beautiful Kenyan landscape, feel the sun or rain on my skin IN Kenya. That finally I'll be home. Even though it isn't my birthplace, it's where God has called me, where God has put a burden on my heart to be. He's put me through trials so that I'll be ready, and FINALLY it's my time. It's crazy how I've never been there but already know, it's my home. I'm thankful to God that he's made it clear that that's where I'm meant to be, but at the same time I'm restless here. I'm starting to feel like a stranger in my own "home", and to friends and family in Arizona. It's feeling like a prison instead of a loving, warm place that it once was. I'm hoping my trip there will be a way for me to start to be thankful for Arizona once again. It's so American of me, I have endless possibility here and yet, I can't stand even looking around. That the land of the FREE is feeling like that land of the prisoners. And I know Kenya will be an eye opener at the least. I know I'm starting to ramble but that is what i do best. To put it into shorter words I'm just SO thankful for the chance to go and be with "my" people and help them as much as I can. Even though I know it's going to be one of the hardest things to leave; I'm just glad I have the chance to see my future home, for however long it may be.

Opportunities to bless...

I am sooo excited/anxious/exhausted as the countdown continues - 18 days & we are in the air!!!

Just wanted to update you on some needs that were emailed to us this morning from the missionaries we will be ministering to and with. They have requested:
*Newborn baby boy clothes for a little one named Matthew
*School supplies (pens, pencils, crayons, erasers, etc.)
*Candy for the children (obviously the non-melting kind is best!).
If any of you would like to donate these items, please feel free. We will be collecting them until October 27 since we will need that day to pack. Yikes!!! That just gave me goosebumps!!!

Thank you for your constant prayers and support (financial & emotional)!
We can never repay you but our Heavenly Father blesses beyond measure!!

If you help the poor, you are lending to the Lord-and he will repay you! Proverbs 19:17
Blessed are those who are generous, because they feed the poor. Proverbs 22:9
Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us. James 1:27

I think I'll keep my distance...

I don't think I need to tell you how much I am looking forward to the ministry aspect of our trip. I simply cannot wait to love those little children to pieces! And I don't think anyone would be surprised if I brought one or twenty of them home with me. You just never know, I'm spontaneous like that (hey, stop laughing!).


But I am also VERY excited that we get to go on safari. To see the wild animals in their natural habitat will be a phenomenal experience. Truly breathtaking. Once in a lifetime.


In talking about the safari with Amie, she said that she hopes to hear a lion's roar so loud that she can actually feel its reverberations. That sounded okay to me until I saw these photos in my business friend's memory book yesterday.














I'm guessing that wildebeast felt the reverberations, too. And I don't like the way his story ended.

Three Weeks to Go!

First of all, I would like to follow up on my previous post. There are truly no words to describe the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling as I wrote it. Fear, peace, anxiety, worry, sadness, excitement and disappointment all seemed to rage at once inside this heart. But something amazing happened with the click of the "publish post" button. Philippians 4:7 became an instant reality and has actually stuck with me ever since. The most incomprehensible peace that I have ever experienced has truly guarded my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I have become solidly sure that this is God's will for us. God has been so faithful in providing the finances needed for the trip in doses that He has measured out before the foundation of the world. We are simply collecting this day's provision. Tomorrow's provision will be available tomorrow. And it will continue until the full provision is completed. Somehow, I am sure of this. And this brings such sweet peace. There is nothing like it in the world!

Secondly, a business friend went to Kenya for a safari a couple of years ago. When he and his wife returned home, they put together a memory book of their trip. As soon as I told him that I was heading there in 3 WEEKS, he so kindly offered to show me their book. He's bringing it by the office today and I can't wait to see it. It will totally whet my appetite for the real thing.

Thirdly, did I mention it's only 3 WEEKS? Wow.

Rejoice Now

I think I speak for all three of us when I say that this week was a tough one. A real faith test. A faith test that is only beginning.

A month ago when we learned we were going to Kenya, our hearts and our faith were soaring high. We didn't go into this blindly. We've known from the start that we didn't have the financial means to support this trip. After all, in these economic times, who has $12,000 lying around in their back pockets? But somehow we just knew that God had something up His sleeve. Some plan to channel the resources we needed right to our front door. No doubt, just expectancy. And boy, were we expecting!

That was a month ago. And not much has come through the channel yet.

Time has a way of clouding our vision and making the goal seem invisible or even impossible. I remember once hearing that in the space between our need and the provision of the need, there is always time. We have the ability to decide what to do with the time. We can worry, complain and give up hope. Or, we can trust, believe and rejoice in the waiting. How we deal with our "time" reveals the level of our trust in the Lord.

I still believe that God has something up His sleeve. That this trip is part of His plan and He will provide the financial means. Unfortunately, some doubt and fear has crept into my time of waiting. So I personally had to make a decision this week. I can doubt and worry. Or I can trust and believe. It's one or the other. I cannot do both.

I have decided to trust and believe!
"Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed." John 20:29

If I truly believe that God will provide for us to go to Kenya, then I need to start rejoicing about it NOW. I don't need to wait until we have the funds in our hands. I can start NOW. And I choose to do so. I choose to lay it all out there, expecting God to come through in a big way. In a way that leaves no doubt that it was truly Him who met the need.

I choose to trust and believe. What about you? What are you going through right now that requires you to decide how you will walk out your time? He will be faithful no matter how we walk this out. But I want to be found rejoicing BEFORE I see His faithful provision. Before I SEE His faithful provision. What about you?

I love how Beth Moore says (paraphrased), "I'd rather believe God for too much and only receive some of it, than to believe God for nothing and receive all of it."

Join with me in believing God beyond our understanding. He wants to give us more than we can ask, think or imagine anyway. And I say we rejoice NOW, before we even catch a glimpse of Him working on our behalf. Nothing lets Him know we trust Him more than that.

**Editted to note: Not thirty minutes after posting this blog, God channeled resources to us in a way that leaves no room to give anyone else credit but Him. I am so glad that He helped me have a heart that was ready to receive from Him. It made the blessing that much more sweet. There's still a ways to go, but He graciously reminded us once again that He's got it all under control. Hallelujah!

Plan A...or Plan A?

I am a planner - calendars, lists, post its, memo boards - the whole works.
If you are like me, you tend to have backup plans to the plans you make or are making. Mine don't stop with plan B. I tend to line up plan C, D, E, F,... you get the picture! My mind and thoughts are constantly whirring with activity - planning, planning for the plan, planning backup plans if the plan doesn't go as planned!!! Ever been there?
Obviously, I have been planning for our trip: What we need for our trip, flights we will need, what to take, lining up shots, passports, luggage, gapfillers while I am gone, and FINANCES!
You have a plan and you're stickin' to it... then life happens? Well, life happened for me this past week. Plans I had been counting on, crucial to this trip, went out the window - way beyond my control - and no matter how many backup plans I had made it wasn't going to matter! Ever been there?
For a planner, having no plans is most unsettling. No, it is maddening!!
In my madness, I went to the Lord loud, whiny, complaining and even accusatory. "Why did this happen?" "How could You let this happen?" "Don't you want me to go to Kenya?" Ever been there?
After my tantrum but still trying to scrape together plan Z, the Lord quietly led me to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Then He whispered to my heart "Amie, I have a plan, my plan is still happening, and my plan is for your good. Nothing thwarts my plan - no need for plan B. Will you trust me?" I had an invitation from God to stay with His plan. Ever been there?
Well, I am here- so very thankful God does have a plan even when I don't understand it. Again, I lean not on my own understanding but am trying in all I do to follow Him - and let go of backup plans!!

Serving...

I'm still finding it hard to believe that we will be leaving for AFRICA in less than 5 weeks.

There are days when I wonder if I am up for this; if this is really God's will for me. After all, Brea is called to this. Amie has dreamed about this her whole life. And me. Well, I'd never even considered the idea before a month ago.

Then there are times when I am absolutely certain I'm heading in the right direction. For instance, a friend and I went to a women's retreat this past weekend. We get in line to register and the theme for the weekend is: "Serving...because Christ served". I immediately thought, "How appropriate! I get to learn about serving right before leaving for Africa." Not 2 seconds later, my friend looks at me with tears in her eyes and says, "How cool that you get to hear this right before you go to Africa!". Such sweet confirmation.

Throughout the weekend, I felt such a deep desire to go to Kenya to SERVE. Serve with my heart, with my words and with my touch. To give more of me than I'd ever given before. Expecting nothing in return. Simply pouring out all I have.

One of the speakers spoke of her recent mission trip and I could not stop crying, I felt such a connection with her heart. It's times like this weekend when I know that somehow God also has a purpose for me in Africa, not just for my friends. I am deeply humbled by the opportunity and am so grateful that God can use this willing heart even with all the doubts and insecurities that rage through my mind at times.

Unfortunately, I can't go to a weekend retreat in Williams every time I begin to have doubts or insecurities about the trip. Instead, I simply need to go to throne and continue to lay my life down, trusting that He will lead me to exactly where He wants me to be. He will equip me with exactly what I will need. And in the end, He will receive all the glory.

Which is perfect. Because that's all this heart really wants, anyway.

Chaos

Just wanted to say sorry that I haven't been able to post anything yet. My life is crazy right now; from sports, school, church and then the thought that every day is one day closer to me being in Kenya is SO much to handle, but I am extremely grateful. As I write it's almost midnight and I'm barely able to keep my eyes open. So I'll be sure to write more soon, very soon hopefully. :D Until then, Brea.

Water Snob

There is much preparation that needs to occur in this heart before I even consider stepping foot on Kenyan soil. My mind understands that I will see need in its most desperate state, and my heart is far from ready for that. When I begin to consider my current life, I realize that I live a very privileged life. I have all I need to comfortably live each day. I have all the food I want. I have a safe and comfortable place to rest my head every night. I have two bathrooms in my home with indoor plumbing. I have family whom I love and friends I adore. Really the list of blessings is endless.

And I wake each morning with an expectation that these things will continue unchanged. Forever.

As I sit here typing, I have two bottles of water sitting on my desk. This is not unusual for me. I carry water with me wherever I go. Water is plentiful. Water is cheap. And we have all the flavors of water we could want. In America, we use water for our lawns, to wash our cars and to hose down our patios. There seems to be an unlimited supply that comes from our hose bibs and our faucets. When was the last time you wondered if any water would come out when you turned on your faucet? I know. Me too.

Again, I wake each morning with an expectation that this will continue. Forever.

And here is where I need to confess that I have always (proudly) considered myself a "water snob". You see, I only drink bottled water. Because tap water is not good enough for me. I need more than just clean water, I also need it to be placed in a convenient bottle for me to just grab 'n go. Even more than that, I need it to be refrigerated and cold.

What I really need is a smack upside the head. With a 2x4. And a huge dose of perspective.

In just 6 short weeks, I will be in the slums of Kibera where children have never even SEEN clean water, let alone tasted it. There will be no bottles of water for me to buy at the corner store. But what I will see, will be beautiful faces with smiles that will melt my heart. Beautiful faces that have never been washed with clean water before. Smiles that have never been brushed with clean water. Dear God, please forgive me for so ungratefully expecting what I do not deserve, while others go without. Forgive me for never giving them a thought before now. Prepare my eyes to see things differently and my heart to absorb it honestly.

The preparation has begun. And it will continue. I only hope my heart will survive the journey that leads me to Kenya. It will be a whole other journey once I arrive.

But first things first, I am going to fill my glass with some tap water and be thankful for it.

Reasons why...

Upon learning of our upcoming trip to Kenya, people have begun asking why we are going. A reasonable question. You would think I would be able to respond quickly and thoroughly. Not so. I have not found words sufficient enough. Forgive me, in advance, as I stumble through my try here.

I have loved Africa since as long as I can remember. Unlike some people, I always prayed God would ask me to go to Africa for Him. So far, He has seen fit to keep me here; but my heart beats for Africa. Over the past year, God has led me on a journey of laying that desire (demand!) down, taking my hands off, coming to the understanding that in this lifetime I may never see that dream fulfilled, that God is still good and He does have a plan. Through many tears and questions on my part and such tender grace-filled assurances on His, this past April I was finally able to release my hold on Africa. My love and passion for her beautiful people, her wild and risky land, has not waned but I am daily learning to be content in His plan for my life.

The year my daughter, Brea, turned 10, God placed a calling upon her heart for Kenya. She has always been tender towards others; especially children suffering with or orphaned by Aids. Kenya was a seamless fit. Occasionally, she and I would lie on her bed at night and she would share her dreams (many very literal) about Kenya. Some of the dreams God has given her are specific and practical. Some are huge!


So when my husband called to tell me about an opportunity for Brea and I to go to Kenya this October, an unexpected collision occurred in my heart. In that moment, I knew something holy, lovely and wildly profound was taking place - a fulfilling in me and a beginning for my daughter.


This trip will involve the obvious: Opportunities to help another; to bring illumination to an unknown need; to be challenged and changed in one's own priorities; to worship our Lord with another tribe & tongue - of which I am soooo excited to be a part!

However, this trip will also be highly personal.

I will be given the privilege of watching my daughter literally & figuratively take her first steps in walking out God's call. In the future, when she shares with us her life's ministry, I will be able to recall the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and precious touches of her fellow Kenyans ~ and I will know a little of what she speaks. (How like my God to ask something of me that I was holding too tightly only to lovingly give it back! He is Amazing!)


My heart can't help but hope this will be the first of many trips I will make to Kenya. But should this turn out to be my one and only, I am beyond grateful that my heavenly Papa made it possible! I will be more than content to know He is investing a part of me there through the life and passion of my precious daughter.

It is more than I could ever have asked!

This is my reason why.